PEEase Tell Me You're Joking...

Thanks to a perma-pee smell, our powder room has been quarantined until it can be gutted and with little kids, having a useable bathroom downstairs was my main focus today. At first glance, our bathroom is outdated but didn't seem to be in too bad a shape. We've been planning to do a thorough cleaning of it and leave any major work for another time since we have so many other areas to tackle.

My favorite Chilean Fruitz recommended I get a Shark steam cleaner to cut down on the sheer amount of chemicals I'm blowing through. That thing comes with more attachments than a prosthetic leg store (sorry) but it heat up fast and spit out a ton of steam within 30 seconds. I'm figuring a good steaming of the counter and sink, cabinet fronts and toilet were a good place to start. I'd let Brian go to anal retentive town with a Magic Eraser and his beloved Lysol bathroom cleaner on the tub at another time. Counter goes off without a hitch. The sink has some rust issues, but it's clean and the faucet polished up nicely.

Let me take a moment to post a nice picture where I had a smile on my face before I continue because my good mood vanished like WHOA...









So I get down with my steam cleaner and a bottle of Pine Sol for backup and start going to town on the toilet. The more I "clean", the more the smell of pee hits me like Mike Fucking Tyson. I ended up having to take the seat off because the hinges were caked in dried pee and was left with this lovely image.

I worked my way down the toilet, having to steam and scrub every single inch of it because there is pee everywhere. The toilet wasn't caulked at the floor, so I started aiming the steamer into the gap and disgusting brown water started coming out. After ten minutes of steaming, I had half a garbage bag full of paper towels like this one and worse. The brown water just kept coming, all from under the base of the toilet.

Gross, right? I mean, I'm the mother of three boys and have potty trained two of them so far. A little pee on the floor is small potatoes for me. But this was so freaking disgusting and I thought the brown water coming from under the toilet was the worst part. AND THEN I LOOKED UP. And to the sides. And realized that the entire alcove where the toilet is has urine on it. As in the wallpaper that is actually white is almost orange with it. The baseboards are covered in it. Yeah. So what was going to be a room we were going to leave for another time has become our second "kids, don't you DARE come in here unless you want to be on antibiotics" situation courtesy of poor housekeeping and some dude who can't aim.